The Real Hiei
by DumbAssPunk
Summary: hehehehe Like the title says, "The REAL Hiei!" This is the swift glimpse inside Hiei's mind, under the tough exterior! XD XD


**_Disclaimer:_**_ Look, if I owned Yu Yu Hakusho, Hiei and Yusuke would always be topless, Kuwabara would be shipped away to __England__ on a boat with millions of cats, Koenma would marry that ogre of his, and Hiei's corrupt mind would be to the view of everyone like it is now. ^_______^ Obviously the true Authoress doesn't share my point of view on these things. *sigh* (I also do NOT own the song, hehe)_

**_Warnings: _**_HAHAHAHAHA! Beware of the strange twists of Hiei's mind. That's all I'm saying._

**_Spoilers:_**_ Hn. Not too much, unless you don't know how reclusive Hiei is from the rest...and if you don't...where have you been?! O.O_

**_Ratings:_**_ HAHA! I'm afraid we only go to a PG level here...XD XD _

**_Pairings:_**_ o.O... None, but the sick twists of my mind may make you wonder...XD XD_

**_Random Rantings:_**_*waves* Guess what my new saying is! ^_^ "It's all about me. Deal with it..." ^_^  Isn't Happy Bunny just wonderful?_

**--The Real Hiei--**

Hiei stood at the deck of a grand boat dock, with his two trusted friends beside him, Mr. Lundt and Par Grape. They were each about to go on an adventure, but before they did, they were to give their last respects to what they had been. Each looked sadly at each other, tipped their hats in front of their eyes respectfully, and looked down at the wood grains of the old dock. Each was wearing a long black cloak, with a staff in their left hand. Standing in a vertical line, they each thrust their staff out in front of them, slowly bringing it around to the right side of them. Throwing back his cape, Mr. Lundt stepped proudly forwards, pulling his cloak back behind his shoulders, showing all his vivid...lime green clothing...The others stood respectfully behind as they began to sing quietly.

All-

_We are the Pirates_

_Who don't do anything!_

_We just stay at home, _

_And lie around!_

_And if you ask us to do anything,_

_We'll just tell you,_

_We don't do anything!_

The two stopped respectfully as Mr. Lundt began.

_Well I've never been to __Greenland__,_

_And I've never been to __Denver__,_

_And I've never buried treasure in St.Louie or __St. Paul__!_

_And I've never been to __Moscow__,_

_And I've never been to __Tampa__,_

_And I've never been to __Boston__ in the Fall!_

All-

_We're the Pirates_

_Who don't do anything!_

_We just stay at home, _

_And lie around!_

_And if you ask us to do anything,_

_We'll just tell you,_

_We don't do anything!_

Next was Par Grape, who threw back his cloak to reveal bright red and purple robes.-

_And I've never hoist a mainstay,_

_And I've never swabbed a boot deck, _

_And I never fear the starboard 'cuz I never sail at all!_

_And I've never walked the gangplank,_

_And I've never owned that barrier,_

_And I've never been to __Boston__ in the fall!_

Yet again All-

_'Cuz we're the Pirates_

_Who don't do anything!_

_We just stay at home, _

_And lie around!_

_And if you ask us to do anything,_

_We'll just tell you,_

_We don't do anything!_

And last but definitely not least, Hiei, wearing fluorescent Pink and Yellow-

_Well I've never plucked a rooster,_

_And I'm not too good at ping pong,_

_And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall!_

_And I've never kissed a chipmunk,_

_And I've never gotten head lice, _

_And I've never been to __Boston__ in the Fall!_

Mr. Lundt looked over at Hiei, stopping the song momentarily. "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster, and mashed potatoes have to do with being a PIRATE!"

Par Grape nodded. "Hey! That's right! We're supposed to sing about piratey things!"

Hiei blinked. "Oh."

"And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just **nonsense! **Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?" Mr. Lundt questioned.

"I think **you** look like Captain Crunch." Hiei said truthfully.

Mr. Lundt was floored. "Huh? No I don't!"

 "Do too." 

"Do not!" 

"You're making me hungry." Hiei said.

"That's it! You're walking the plank!"

"Says who?"

"Says the Cap'n- I do!" Mr. Lundt huffed.

"Oh yea? Aye Aye Cap'n Crunch! hehe" Hiei giggled.

"ARRRGGGG" Mr. Lundt shook his staff.

"YIKES!" Hiei yelped.

Hiei decided to fix his last stanza for them. It went as-

_And I've never licked a spark plug_

_And I've never sniffed a stink bug,_

_And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball!_

_And I've never bathed in Yogurt and I don't look good in leggings..._

Par Grape shook his head. "You just don't get it." 

_And we've never been to __BOSTON__IN__ THE FAAAAAAAALL!"_

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

Hiei was jolted out of his sleep by the sound of laughter. Falling out of his tree, he looked up from his position on the ground at the people in front of him- Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma, Boton, Keiko, Suziuru (sp?), and Genkai. He blinked, and Yusuke was the first to talk.

"Hey Hiei, when did you here about Captain Crunch?"

Hiei blanched, and he looked to see all of them smirking. His eyes widened even more when Koenma said, "Well, Thanks for the nice mental show- I swear I'll never forget** Hiei** in pink- but we must go. I'm sure Hiei won't mind, right?" He turned back to see a black blur leave towards the South.

Kurama smirked. "I believe we've finally managed to break Hiei's emotionless exterior and seen the real thing."

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_Don't yell at me! This is what happens when I eat pizza and Dr. Pepper XD hehehehehehehehehehehe. TTFN!_

_**VaSr, the DumbAssPunk_


End file.
